i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize