I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Even my vagina gasped.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
