I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
