I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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