So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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