I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Ladies don't puke and tell
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
