Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
