my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
