I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize