He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
