Don't make out with my wife yet
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize