giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
