i permit you to call me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
