I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
