he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
