that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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