Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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