I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
