My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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