it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
