is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need to calm my uterus...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
