Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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