you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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