Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
