I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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