I'm so fucking centered right now
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
