You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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