Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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