youre lurking in front of me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize