I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
