so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
no, he came in my armpit
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
