i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
You donโt need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize