It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
40s are totally the cure
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
