a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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