i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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