So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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