HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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