I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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