Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
