I am in a vortex of obligation.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
