im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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