do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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