If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
God, I missed his penis.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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