guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
