well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
