I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
