Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
