Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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