Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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