I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
