if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize