we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
