Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
