Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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