Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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