Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
