i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize