Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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