Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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