Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The air taste purple.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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