She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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