I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
