All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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