We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
