I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
