You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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