You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you had me at cake vodka
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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