this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
