When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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