Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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