GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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