Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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