I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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