if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
