I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
