my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
