Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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