i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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