My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
