at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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