burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
