Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
