we have officially lost it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
