I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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