He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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