weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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