I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
