And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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