It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
