yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
